I am tired.
Tired of the fact that for the past few years, I have to go out with an N95 mask in the summer. Tired of the raging headache and the mild urge to throw up I have because for 3 minutes today I forgot to do that. But it’s not just that.
I’m tired of the floods and landslides we’ve had to see in so many parts of the world over the last few years, and that these seem to only be increasing.
I’m tired of the fact that in large parts of the world, including India, the country where I was born, temperatures and humidity go so high that on some days, being outside can kill you.
I’m tired of this country burning up every year, of incidents like Fort McMurray, Lytton, Jasper, and others I am certainly not forgetting about. Tired of the fact we somehow haven’t internalized that last year the fires even entered our cities.
I’m tired of weather becoming more intense, as the number of days with moderate weather seem to decrease year-by-year.
I’m tired because these things have been so normalized that they just meld the intense background white noise that seems to surround us all these days, leaving us with no ability to react.
But I’m not just tired. I’m only 19. I wasn’t even a month old when the Kyoto protocol was signed. I was 11 when the Paris climate agreement came into force. But what was even the point of that? The planet is getting hotter. Things are getting worse, and this is just the start. So I’m not just tired, I’m angry.
I’m angry that the climate crisis will only get worse, and my generation and those that come after us will bear the brunt of the burden. Those growing up now will never know a world where things weren’t like this.
I’m angry that our leaders don’t seem to grasp the magnitude of this, or at least don’t seem to care.
I’m angry that last May, when these fires were raging on, we had an election going on, and on the topic of climate, both our major parties said nothing.
I’m angry that in this province, so much energy is spent on discussing the fossil fuel industry, to the point that it isn’t a mere industry anymore. We’ve managed to get our province addicted to the very thing that is destroying us, and that we’ll constantly make excuses for it.
I’m angry because I fully expect that people who see this will do just that, for we must not dare speak about the climate crisis, for we risk angering our deity of Oil & Gas.
I’m angry because I sound insane when saying this, but it’s true, and I’ve been a part of it myself.
I’m angry that this petrostate of mind we’re all trapped in gives us a false choice between our livelihoods and our lives.
Maybe in a few days, when the air outside stops serving as a reminder of the dire situation we’re in, when heat records stop being broken, I’ll be able to get back to normal, making excuses for our continued participation in this disaster and ignorance of the stakes at hand. But the destruction of Jasper changed things for me, and I don’t think I’ll be able to do that anymore.
Maybe in some days I’ll go back to having more of a positive outlook, that even despite the problems that we will face, there are still things we can do to mitigate the harms, to make the best we can out of this situation. Maybe with enough people do that instead of making excuses, we’ll get to a point where we won’t have to make these false choices.
But not today. My headache still lingers, and I’m tired.
